It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
