I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
