sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
