Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
