I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
