I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
