guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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