I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
