yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
