Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
