apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
