How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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