I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
