life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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