Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
