HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm always down for nudity.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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