meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
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