you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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