I showed him my bush... on skype.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I want her autograph on my taint
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
