Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
