I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The air was thick with penises
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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