I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
