I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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