I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
