i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
