I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He shit in the fireplace
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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