What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
