the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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