Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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