He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
