YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
