Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
