don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
