I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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