I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
