all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
