Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
