I accidentally burped into my bong.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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