I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
