giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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