nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
