so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
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