im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
