So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
