I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
