when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
