It's Friday. Sex?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
