So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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