I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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