It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
