If you die in college, do you die in real life?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
