Can i not drive my cunt home
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
