....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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