I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
