It's Friday. Sex?
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
