yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
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