Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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