She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
